Can #PASDamaged Minds be Repaired?

This subject has been on my mind since the first time I picked up a book on Parental Alienation. Children and adults affected and damaged by the abuse of one parent who cannot put the child first no matter what! Can a child recover from the #PASAbuser treating them as a weapon, a toy they do not care if they break. We live in a throwaway society and #PASAbused children are treated as such. The moment the child considers that what they have been told through all the #PASAbuse years may not be true and then get definitive proof their life has been a lie. This must be so devastating for them. Their life has been abused by the very person who is meant to love and protect them! Their ‘Step-Dad’ is not really their Dad and their real Dad has lived in a deep depression since they lost their child to a #PASAbuser. I believe this kind of depression often referred to as a ‘Living Bereavement’ is something that cannot be truly lifted until their child returns into their life. We have to assume the child feels the exact same way! Although many hide behind a facade, but the damage is clear to someone who understands the abuse of #PAS.

When a child cannot accept or is not willing to accept they have been abused then that says so much about the extent of the psychological damage done to that child. Obviously there will always be children who have good reason to be cautious when getting back in touch with their alienated parent but you can almost guarantee if a Father is reaching out to their alienated child it is out of love. Whereas the alienating parent does not do this #PASAbuse out of love but out of revenge for being rejected by the alienated parent usually. They see a Father as a disposable element in the child’s life. They have no real value and can be swapped and changed as often as they change their partners. How many Dads can a child have? The answer is in fact one! They can have step-dads but only one real Dad, one biological Dad who they are totally connected to by DNA. When a Father loves his child and wants to be a part of their child’s life no matter what, you can safely say the child is being seriously abused by keeping them away from their loving parent.

This is not going to be removed from society quickly but the last few weeks have given me so much hope, not for my own daughter but for so many loving Dads getting contact and Judges seemingly understanding the games these #PASAbusers are playing. It really is still pot luck on which Judge you get but the more we talk and write about the informed Judges, the more the uninformed ‘conned’ Judges will seek to educate themselves on #PAS. In this last week I have known three Dads reunited with their children after many years apart. I have seen many dads get contact and the Judges have been strong and direct with the #PASAbuser which is of course what they need to do. I often talk about ‘Justice to Prevail’ and the ‘Tide is Turning’ but you know I actually think it is happening.

The best advice my Fiancee and I give to Dads we are helping, is to remain calm and focused on the child’s rights. This my Fiancee says she gets from the way I am, naturally calm. Calm and totally child focused and this has to be the way forward. Sometimes it is purely a few exchanges of emails or messages but if it helps another child to be reunited with a parent they love, if you can take away the alienation, then that has to be a good thing! Because if the courts can control the alienator then the child will repair given they have positive contact with their alienated parent. The problem arises when the courts do not deal with the alienator for the child to begin the process to repair!

We are available and happy to help. Hope will always live here!


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4 Responses to Can #PASDamaged Minds be Repaired?

  1. Linda Turner says:

    Reblogged this on PARENTS HEALING FROM ESTRANGEMENT and commented:
    It depends on the age and how long it has been going on for!! I read an article recently that suggests if it is 5 years or more there’s very little chance

  2. Pingback: Can #PASDamaged Minds be Repaired? | Parental Alienation- UNCOVERED

  3. In my opinion healing can begin only when contact on a regular basis starts, if the child is able to spend time with both parents, they will be able to form their own opinions and not just believe what they are told. In our case pretty much from the beginning, I realized that my most important motherly duty with my stepson would be to help keep his father from being pushed out of his life. We were able to work with BM to make schedules and for the most part work together, in no way perfectly or without problems but workable. So we made the HUGE mistake of not getting a parenting plan in writing and into a court order. All of a sudden we were told, BM had to move out of state for work and was leaving in a week, so plan on seeing the child on these particular days before we leave! Only an administrative order for support and an Voluntary Acknowledgement of Paternity, existed at this point, so even though we went to court on an emergency basis to stop the move, there was nothing on paper to do it. The judge was very sympathetic to our situation and had there been a way for him to stop it, without consequences for us, I believe he would have. He even said at one point “Children aren’t video games, you don’t have to pay to play” because our issue was, unless we gave BM more than the ordered support amount we didn’t always get weekends we had planned. In any event, a week after being told about the move, the boy was gone and my husband’s depression was pretty bad but there was no way I was going to stand for this father and son not to know when they would see each other again. There was one attempt to get a visit over Xmas, which had already been over a few months since anything more than phone calls and texts were exchanged between father and son. First, BM tried to just get my husband to go there to visit, when that was a big NO, it became that the child didn’t want to come to visit which is one of her go to excuses. So, of course my husband talked to his son, wanting to know why wouldn’t he want to come see us and he was told “Mom would be all alone then and WE are worried you won’t pay for a plane ticket”….I added the emphasis on we because, seriously, he was 10 at the time and this isn’t ever an appropriate conversation to have with a child! We had already hired a lawyer and were doing what was advised because even after moving him like that we didn’t want to make this an all out battle and just wanted a parenting plan through the courts. After what happened with the attempted discussion about visitation for Xmas, when the first of the new year hit, so did our petition in court. Throughout the next year and a half we didn’t see him, however were fortunate enough to be able to talk to him on the phone and text since we pay for him on our family plan but that is just not the same as being able to hug your child or wake up and make him breakfast. We did finally get some visitation established but had gone broke with the jurisdictional fight between states and didn’t end up with a very good agreement, as it was drafted by BM’s lawyer. Now years and another court order later, with proper visitation in place, even the distance isn’t diminishing the bond my husband has with his son and if anything it has grown stronger. Through it all, I have also seen our oldest, I don’t like stepson because it separates him from our daughter, start to see his Mom for what she is and the best word I can use for her is, selfish. While it is not good for kids to know details, even the youngest kids know when something is going on and should informed, as age appropriately and diplomatically as possible. As our oldest matures and is allowed to experience both households, there have been conversations that clearly indicate, he is aware of how difficult his Mom can be and how much he disagrees with her viewpoints, not on everything but some pretty important ones. In closing, because I’ve rambled on enough, if enough exposure to both parents is given and the parents use that time to just show their kids who they are and what they are about, children will figure it out when they are ready to process it all.

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